I Feel Stupid and Contagious
My mind on a loop,
stick my head in the leeching
past of the four ring circus
of Rock Island High School.
Distracted boys with knives,
girls stroke boys’ short black beards
with longing, hymens line up
like nooses.
Cafeteria daze, I should have
pills across my heart, rolling
in my blood like pigs, cut in half,
there’s never enough bacon for boys
with condoms in loose
pockets. French fry pimples
keep boys from getting
laid in father’s minivans,
blue Hondas full of crumbs,
fast food wrappers.
Musical trauma, we rock solid
in the air, my gold Chevy,
rolling tease wagon,
I line up boys in flannel,
girl firing squad, self control
reeks of attitude and mint gum,
my Friday night fire
kills when I drop
them off at spring curbs,
grass newly green as us.
*Title taken from Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit
Sarah Lilius is the author of four chapbooks, most recently, Thirsty Bones (Blood Pudding Press, 2017) and GIRL (dancing girl press, 2017). Some places her work can be found are Luna Luna Magazine, Tinderbox, Flapperhouse, and Stirring. She lives in Northern Virginia and her website is sarahlilius.com.